Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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