areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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