Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
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I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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