Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
