Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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