Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
