i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
