Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
