i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
