Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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