Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
