i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
