My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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