Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
