did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
worst night to have a conscience
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Randomize
