The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We have started to decorate penises.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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