It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
