I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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