I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
