Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
