Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Randomize
