Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
