I accidentally had phone sex last night
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
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