It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
