Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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