i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
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Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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