I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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