I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
