i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
