I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
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All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
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I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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