Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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