allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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