did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
