I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
