hotel room ftw
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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