so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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