Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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