the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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