Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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