It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
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He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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