I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
