You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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