So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
