im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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