haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
