Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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