i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
