sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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