barbara walters just said penis...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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