I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
