Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
