I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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