I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
