I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
