you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
