That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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