Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
