FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
