So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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