yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
